the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
we should paint friendship bongs
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
