I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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