Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
