well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You can't motorboat a personality
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I need water and some morals
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
