he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
