mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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