dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize