Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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