You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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