so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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