How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
