see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
