She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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