I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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