Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
