When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
