for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
