I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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