just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
