I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
