he wants to bone in the snuggie
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i love accidental penises.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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