I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
