I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
