idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
