I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
