We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
