Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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