What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
