areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
