I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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