My room smells like vodka and shame
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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