Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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