If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
