i wish there were pregnant emoticons
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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