shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Help. Why am I so naked?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
