apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
