I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
