omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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