I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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