It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Someone came in the potted fern
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
