My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
