We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
