allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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