I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
