I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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