my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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