did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
