he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
