I hate your face
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
