I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We don't watch enough power rangers
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
