The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
