i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
