I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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