you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
only if we run a train.
done.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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