does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
